This post is largely inspired by the wonderful Tumblr, Pets Who Want to Kill Themselves. I would like to hereby declare a series of promises to my yet unknown and unnamed dog, in the hopes that he or she will never end up on that website.
Dog, as your future companion and guardian, I vow that I will never…
- … push you in a stroller.
- … make you wear clothes. (At least, not in public.)
- … give you a stupid, demeaning name (although I may give you stupid, demeaning nicknames).
- … carry you in a backpack.
- … let you get away with bratty behavior.
- … coordinate your “clothes” with mine.
- … hit you in anger.
- … make you wear sunglasses.
- … blame you for your poor behavior; it’s probably my fault.
- … squeeze you.
- … throw you in the middle of a lake to teach you to “swim,” as my father did to Emma.
- … make you wear a diaper. Unless you’re 15 years old and incontinent.
- … treat you like a human. You’re a dog! That’s why I love you.
How about you? Anything you’ll never do to your dog? Or SHOULD I be willing to push my future dog around in a pram?